Give Us This Day Our Daily Jest (December 1, 2008)
The U.S. deported 350,000 illegal immigrants in 2008. A spokesperson for ACORN said, “So where do we send their voter cards to?”
A car belonging to a reporter from NPR was blown up in Baghdad. A spokesperson for Al-Qaeda says it’s because they want the infidels out of their land…and pledge requests out of “A Prairie Home Companion.”
Two Chicago teachers who teach abstinence kissed for the first time at their wedding this weekend…then sprinted back up the aisle.
A female suicide bomber blew up near the entrance to the U.S. Green Zone in Baghdad. Probably over something silly like socks on the floor–am I right, guys?
Russia denies reports its soldiers fired at the Georgian president’s car. They were actually firing at the Georgian president.
Barack Obama says the U.S. can’t afford to let the auto industry vanish. Because Lord knows we can’t have a bunch of union workers sitting around doing nothing. Oh, wait…
NPR has launched a new program featuring a public prayer booth in a New York City park. They got the idea from so many people running through the city streets screaming, “For the love of God, please help me!”
A new, pocket-sized device can detect skin cancer in less than one minute. Ironically, it takes up about the same amount of space as a bottle of sunscreen.
The number of Thanksgiving holiday travelers was down significantly from last year. In fact, the only people who traveled less on Thursday were the Detroit Lions running backs.
Five members of San Antonio’s bicycle police squad were reassigned after embarrassing photos of them were posted on-line. Which, considering how silly a cop on a bicycle looks, says a lot about the photos.
Great Moments in Jest History (From The Jesting Archives): June 16, 2005
French style consultants say men no longer want to be considered “macho” and are likely to opt for pink, flowery shirts. Nice try, France, but we’re still taking your lunch money.
On a personal note: the following conversation took place between my 8-year-old son and me while I was writing today’s column.
JC: Daddy, are “great” and “good” the same thing?
Me: Well, son, “great” is actually a little better than “good.”
JC: So what’s another word for “great?”
Me: Oh, I’m not sure off the top of my head.
JC: You went to college, didn’t you?
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